Build a Relationship With Your New In-laws

Getting married means that you will start your new life together but it also means that you also have a new addition to your new family…your in-laws. In the past, this could be a bad thing, but you have the opportunity to turn it around and build a relationship with your new in-laws.

The tension is almost unbearable the first time that you meet your new in-laws. You are extremely nervous and feel like you have all thumbs. Most in-laws will have already pre-judged you based on what your husband or wife has already told them and what they have created in their minds before they even arrive. It’s something deep down inside that makes everyone strive to please the in-laws at first. In order to please your spouse you want to get along with the two people that have raised him or her to make them the person you feel so deeply in love with.

When the in-laws first arrive and you pull yourself together, there are two things that can occur; one is that no matter what you do they will not like you or they find out that you are not such a bad person to tolerate and the evening turns out to be very enjoyable. Hopefully the second will occur but if the first one occurs you will just have to accept that you cannot please everyone and life goes on. Sometimes it’s best to just stand back and not say too much because you can’t change the way someone feels. Eventually things will change and they will accept you for who you are. Until then remember that you were chosen by their son or daughter and not them.

As time goes on you can do some small things that will mean a lot to them and help to change their minds. Here are some suggestions to improve your relationship with your in-laws:

• Send out cards during holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. Let them know that you remembered them during these special times in their lives. Always sign the cards ‘with love’
• During the holidays make the effort to visit them and bring over something that will make their day more enjoyable. Don’t give gifts that will take forever to put together.
• When they go on vacation offer to feed the animals and water the plants if they live close enough.

Remember to always be yourself though. Don’t ever think that you have to pretend in order to get the in-laws to like you. What is the most important is that their son or daughter loves you just the way you are and that is the most important part. It does help though if the in-laws like you too.

As long as you do your best to try and get along then that is all you can do. While some in-laws welcome their daughter or son-in-law to the family with open arms there are still some who picture you as taking their baby from them. It’s not easy to build a relationship with the in-laws when there is so much tension already but it can be done, one baby step at a time.